Ugly Like Me
by RobinRocks
Summary: Oneshot inspired by Citrus02honey's Teen Titans AMV to Ugly by The Exies. Juxtaposes Robin and Terra against one another in relation to serving as Slade's apprentice. Set the night before Betrayal. NOT a songfic.


This is a short… _okay_, not-so-short one-shot dedicated to Citrus02honey.

Why?

Because it was inspired by her wonderful _Teen Titans_ music video "Ugly" (by _The Exies_), which I found by chance on her AMVs page in the aftermath of the excitement of my co-writer Narroch06 and myself at her making an AMV inspired by our RobinxSlade slash fic _Small Print_. The latter is to _Evanescence's_ "Going Under" and is not only superbly done, but also fits the fic incredibly well…

But I digress.

After checking out _our_ video, I took a look at some of the others. While they are all excellent, four really stood out to me as my favorites; _Stairway to Heaven_ (about everyone's favorite sarcastic telekinetic and her _Season Four_ destiny; absolutely _stunning_); _My Immortal _(a beautifully-stylized TerraxBB piece, done in black and white stills); _Going Under_, of course, (the RobinxSlade one inspired by _Small Print_); and _Ugly_. My favorite, I must admit; even more so than _Going Under _and_ Stairway to Heaven_.

Perhaps because it is so _different_; it is not about relationships between characters, at least not in the conventional way. It is about Terra and Robin, but not in a loving relationship. As the lyrics "Are you like me; are you ugly?" would suggest, it is about contrasting them against each other, each in their role as Slade's apprentice. It draws on the similarities between them and their behavior, rather than expressing "why" they should be "together". Every shot is chosen (presumably) with utmost precision and the result is phenomenal…

Well, I like it a lot. It is very original, and it inspired me.

Instructions as to how to see the AMV itself will be down the bottom.

For now; read and enjoy. Citrus02honey – this is for you. :)

Ugly Like Me

The silence of night seemed to hang in the air; seemed to _echo_, even though there was not a noise. It was hot, too; with an oppressive stickiness.

Robin was restless. He could not sleep; having tossed and turned, sweating and uncomfortable and his mind going a mile a minute. Even lying on top of his covers in just his underwear had not cooled him down. He had stared at the ceiling – wide-eyed, agitated and miserable – long enough; the result was getting dressed and going downstairs to get a drink. He wouldn't have bothered dressing, except that he was sure he wouldn't be sleeping that night. Maybe he would do some work instead.

He did not proclaim to be an insomniac; and in truth, it was not something he suffered from on a regular basis. But every now and then he would find himself uneasy – and even slightly _distressed_ – and would not be able to fall into his usual easy sleep.

He always had a lot on his mind; and _now_ more than ever. Slade was back, and so was…

…Terra.

Having run away after her first meeting with them, she had suddenly turned up again, her powers fully under control. Or so she _said_, anyway. Starfire, Cyborg and especially Beast Boy were overjoyed by her reappearance, and had welcomed her onto the team with open arms; no questions asked.

Robin – and Raven – had found it a little more difficult to take in. Robin knew that Raven did not trust her; truthfully, he was not so sure he trusted her himself. It was difficult to _dislike_ her; and he didn't resent her in any way. She was friendly, cheerful and full of fun. He was pleased to have her on his team.

But that didn't mean he _trusted_ her. Not completely. _Oh_ no.

_("Everything okay?" _

"_Can't tell. Are you sure it's safe to have her around?"_

"_Not entirely. But everyone deserves a second chance…")_

Those had been his words to Raven. Did he truly believe them _himself? _He didn't like to mistrust Terra… but something about her – her disappearance, reappearance, full control of powers she had struggled to even _begin_ to harness in such a short space of time – unnerved him.

Had accepting a _Sixth_ Titan… put the Original Five in danger?

Because he just _knew_ that Slade came into this equation somewhere. He had turned up again out of the blue, after…

…_Forcing me to be his apprentice…_

Robin still shuddered whenever he heard what he had dubbed the "A" word.

But he knew that Slade had been in that mine the day that they had met Terra; of course he had been. The place had been _crawling_ with his robotic minions. And Terra had disappeared in the middle of the fray…

A small shiver ran down his spine – even despite how hot he was – and he shook his head as he reached the Operations Center of Titans Tower. He felt in the dark for the electronic switch and flipped it; the double doors to the main room opened, granting him access.

He only wanted to go through it – to get to the kitchen for a drink. Maybe something to eat. He had not planned on lingering there.

But something made him stop dead when he was halfway across the room. The hair at the back of his neck prickled; his sharp intuition buzzed like a sixth sense. He could not sense auras in the way that Raven did; nor was his sense of smell anywhere near as acute as Beast Boy's.

But _something_ had put him on edge.

It was then that he heard it. The tiny scuffling noise coming from behind him. To his left, if he wasn't mistaken. Whipping around, Robin's hand shot to his utility belt; he snatched his retractable bojutsu staff from it, shooting it out to its full extent the instant it was gripped tightly in his hand.

He stood in dark silence for a while, listening, his senses quivering with apprehension and general unease.

He heard nothing more.

Scorning himself – probably just something slipping; there _was_ a rather precarious pile of newspapers perched on that coffee table – he turned away again, retracting his staff and slipping it back into his belt. He began to make for the kitchen again—

He heard another scuffling sound and turned like lightning; but before he could even command "Freeze!", the intruder tripped over something near the doors and fell with a startled, high-pitched little cry.

The Boy Wonder was towering over the infiltrator in less than three seconds, crossing the room with a speed only his acrobatic skill granted him. Seeing the dark huddled shape at his feet, Robin felt behind him for the Titan Alert Emergency button, ready to call the others from their restful slumber to come charging down to his aid. Just because the villain had tripped, it did not mean in any way that they were not dangerous.

His fingers hit the light switch instead and unwelcome bright yellow light filled the entire Operations Center. Robin gave a little groan of irritation and shielded his eyes from it, shaking his head to get used to it. Once he had blinked his discomfort away he looked down again.

His mouth actually dropped open.

"Terra?" He was surprised, to say the least.

The lithe blonde girl looked up at him guiltily, her long straight corn-colored hair falling forward and covering quite a bit of her round pale face. She too was fully-clothed in her day attire; black long-sleeved crop-top adorned with a "T" – for either "Terra" or "Teen Titans"; Robin had never bothered to ask her which – and tan shorts, accessorized by her brown leather gloves and hiking boots. The one blue eye he could see was wide with shock at having been "caught"… at whatever it was she was doing.

"Terra?" Robin repeated, bewildered. "What… what are you doing down here at this time?"

Terra opened her mouth, but for a few moments no sound came out. Then;

"I could ask _you_ the same question," she replied haughtily, getting to her feet.

"Getting a drink," Robin explained wearily. "I'm too hot and can't sleep. And you?"

He wasn't going to let her off _that_ easily.

"I… I was just…" Terra's explanation seemed to fall short. "I was…"

Robin raised an eyebrow.

"You were clearly doing something you don't want to tell me," he finished. "What's the big secret?"

"Nothing!" Terra's voice was shrill and defensive. "There's no secret! Jeez, you can't do _anything_ in this place without someone interrogating you! You know, I was making a sandwich this afternoon and had to answer about twenty questions from Starfire!"

Robin grinned faintly at that.

"Star's like that."

"Yeah, well… I don't need _you_ on my case too!"

"_Hey!_" Robin was indignant at her shortness with him. "No need to be like _that_ with me…"

Terra snorted and swept past him. He made to stop her, annoyed; but instead paused when something caught his eye.

A notebook on the floor where she had fallen. A few loose sheets were poking from beneath the black card cover.

"Terra, wait…" He bent down the retrieve it. "You dropped your-"

"I've got it!" Terra whipped around in sudden shock and pushed him out of the way; she snatched the book from the floor and clutched it to her chest.

Meanwhile Robin regained his balance, wide-eyed at her sudden outburst.

"_Okay_…" he relented, rattled. He straightened up, suddenly extremely suspicious. "What exactly _is_ that?"

"Nothing." Terra backed away, clutching it all the more tightly.

Robin's masked eyes narrowed.

"What are you hiding, Terra?"

"_Nothing!_" The blonde glared at him, furious. "It's just… just my diary…" She bowed her head as she said the last part, her voice suddenly quiet as though ashamed.

He did not answer.

She looked up again, still seething.

"What? I'm surprised you haven't torn it out of my hands already to see whether I'm lying!"

He blinked.

"What?"

"You heard me." Terra raised her chin defiantly. "I know you don't trust me, Robin; you _or_ Raven. She doesn't even _want_ me here…"

Robin was appalled.

More because he feared she was onto him than anything else.

"Terra, that's _not_ true!" He burst out. "Of course we… of _course_ I trust you…"

"Raven?"

"Raven doesn't really trust anyone. You shouldn't take that personally…"

Terra snorted and tossed her hair back on her shoulders. She had no answer for him, however.

"Terra?…"

"_What?_" She snapped.

"Are you…?" Robin trailed off, sighed, and tried again; "Is everything… _okay?_ Only you seem-"

"Watching me now, are you?" Terra spat, interrupting him.

"No, but you just…" He trailed off once more, exasperated by her behavior; unnerved by the murderous way in which she was regarding him. "You seem so… _on edge_… like you've got something on your mind…"

Terra eyed him coldly, her hair slipping even further forward over her right eye. Robin shivered as her appearance began to remind him of…

…_him_. The "A" word. And _in_ that single eye he could see the same sullen hatred; it was more subtle in _her_ expression, but it was there all the same.

And Robin was beginning to wonder if Slade had been the one to _put_ it there…

"You know…" Robin floundered, wondering why he had even opened his mouth; he _certainly_ did not know what it was that he wanted to say.

"I was… Terra, have you…?"

"Have I _what?_" Terra pressed irritably.

Robin looked at the floor; then up at her again.

"_Slade_." He said it in a rush, practically spitting it out – not drawing the word out on his tongue the way he usually did. "You haven't… have you _seen_ him at all? Since he tried to sink the Tower?"

Terra's eye(s) widened ever so slightly and he could have sworn she paled at the mention of the arch-villain. But then she regained her composure and brushed her hair back from her face, enabling Robin to see both of those wide forget-me-not blue eyes again.

He was inwardly relieved.

"I haven't seen him," she replied, sounding puzzled. "Why would I have? He cleared out that day we kicked his butt. None have seen or heard of him since, right?"

Robin studied her as she spoke. Watched her mouth move. Looked at her eyes. Observed her hands.

All perfectly natural. He could see no evidence of her lying to him.

But then, was Terra just an exceptionally good liar?

He knew that _he_ – Robin – was.

He sighed under his breath.

"No… no, that's right… we haven't seen him…" He looked up at her, gazing hard into her blue eyes. Not as blue as his own, but… "We haven't seen him… I-I just thought that maybe… maybe…"

"Maybe _what?_" Terra snapped, losing her patience again.

Robin looked at her wearily.

"Look, Terra, you're a part of my team, and I just… I want you to be okay… and _Beast Boy_ wants you to be okay, and… you know, we _all_ do, so if… if there's something on your mind, don't be afraid…"

He heaved another tired sigh.

"…Don't be afraid to tell us," he finished. "It's okay, that's what we're here for. We're your friends, and we… You can trust us, okay?"

Terra's expression softened, as though deeply touched by his words; and then it hardened again and her eyes flashed.

"And what _would_ I have on my mind, Robin?" She snapped. "What exactly _is_ it that you think I have on my mind? That I still can't control my powers?"

She blazed, becoming angrier still; so much that he saw tears form in the corners of her eyes.

"That was no _secret!_" She yelled at him. "Beast Boy promised not to tell and he lied and told _you!_"

Robin saw red now, clenching his green-gloved fists.

"Beast Boy didn't _tell_ me anything!" He retaliated, his normally-pleasant disposition flaring into that terrible temper which lurked beneath it. "He would _never_ lie to you, Terra! He cares about you too much; sometimes I think he cares more about _you_ than he does any of _us_…"

"Then how did you _know?_" Terra seethed.

"I just worked it out!" Robin spat in frustration. "Honestly, Terra… we watched you on the obstacle course, remember? We could all _see_ you struggled to control it…"

Terra stood for a few moments more, shaking with anger; and then whipped around and started to walk away, her long blonde hair swinging down her back.

And suddenly enraged, Robin grabbed hold of her right upper arm and swung her roughly around again. She gave a gasp of shock at his sudden aggressiveness as he pinned her against the wall, his hands on her shoulders.

"_Don't walk away from what you know is true!_" He hissed, furious.

Her eyes narrowed and her hair fell forward again, covering the whole right side of her face.

"Get your hands off me, you ugly jerk!" She retaliated, beginning to struggle in his strong grip.

She noticed the little smile that appeared on his face as the four-letter word – "ugly" – left her lips.

"What are _you_ smirking about?" She demanded. "You think I'm kidding? I don't know what Starfire sees in you; _I_ think you're freakin' ugly." Her temper heightened as she saw his smile broaden. "What, you think spiking your hair like that makes you look _cool?_" She mocked him. "And that _outfit_… _what_ is up with the _pants_, Robin? They're _way_ too tight… and the mask; you think _that_ makes you look cool too? Yeah, more like you're _hiding_ something… like the _rest_ of your ugly face!"

Inside he was seething; but not because of her nasty little insults. No, it was because _this_ was not the Terra they knew and liked. _This_ was not the Terra that they – the Original Five – had sat with in the ice-cream parlor on Main Street that very afternoon after beating the Amazing Mumbo's sorry butt for robbing the bank; watching her eat three triple-decker hot fudge sundaes in a row, Beast Boy, Starfire and Cyborg cheering her on, Raven and Robin himself exchanging glances of mingled hilarity and disgust. _This_ was not the Terra they had played fifty rounds of _Old Maid_ with (Starfire coming up as old maid 46 times; Beast Boy the other four) after getting back to the Tower; _this_ was not the Terra they had sat and watched _Wicked Scary II_ with after Starfire had become tried of being taunted for being the "Old Maid" time and time again. The Terra who had practically sat on _his_ lap in order to squeeze in next to Beast Boy on the couch; the Terra who had giggled and blushed when Beast Boy had screamed and hidden his face in her shoulder whenever something particularly scary came on the screen.

No, this was _not_ that same Terra. But if not… then _why?_ Why the sudden change in her personality? Why the aggressiveness; the defensiveness; the insults; the rage? She was hiding something…

Oh yes; he could see a lot of himself in Terra.

And so, when she had called him "ugly" straight to his face, it had highly amused him.

Because if _his_ mask hid his "ugly face", then what did _her_ by-day outward personality – the only side of her they had ever seen – hide? Was that _her_ mask?

And did _her_ mask hide her ugly true colors?

_He_ could not have called _Terra_ ugly; not outwardly. She _wasn't_ ugly.

But beauty was, after all, only skin deep.

"Terra…" The Boy Wonder took a deep breath, fighting his hot temper down. "Slade… if he—"

Her eyes flared gold (to shock him) and she brought her knee up at his crotch. She missed him, catching the top of his thigh instead, but he still released her and leapt backwards in alarm and masculine fear. She turned on her heel and fled across the Operations Center at the first sign of him letting her go. Supremely furious – and a little shaken by _that_ close call – Robin composed himself and bounded after her. He leapt headlong at her as she got to the sofa, smashing into her and sending them both over the back of the couch, where they tumbled off the seat of it and rolled over and over; until they came to a final halt, Terra pinned underneath Robin.

With a strong heave she pushed him off, but he caught her arm as she tried to scrabble away and twisted it up behind her back.

"What are you _hiding_ from us, Terra?" He spat, his temperature rising further still in his vehemence.

"I'm not hiding _anything_ from you!" Terra cried, gritting her teeth against the pain of having her arm twisted.

Robin smiled grimly.

"You shouldn't hide things from your friends, Terra," he told her quietly. "Trust me; _I_ did, and it… it only got them hurt…"

"What did _you_ do?" Terra hissed, her head bowed low.

"Lied to them. Disguised myself to try to trick Slade; but I didn't tell them. My plan didn't work… and they… they lost their trust in me… I hurt them, beat on them to keep up appearances…" He closed his eyes for a moment, burning with shame and self-anger. "I can't believe I was so _selfish_…"

"And they _didn't_ kick you out?" Terra alleged through a grunt of pain.

"No. But my plan backfired even worse than I thought… Once Slade knew just how desperate I was to stop him, he led me into a trap. Blackmailed me… He… he forced me to be his apprentice…"

Robin shivered; Terra froze.

"_You_ were his apprentice…?"

She hadn't added "too" on the end.

"Not by choice." He slacked his grip on her wrist; the confession seemed to have sedated her somewhat.

She stood, rubbing her wrist.

"That's… I'm sorry to hear that…" She retrieved her notebook from where it had fallen from her grip a few feet away.

She looked at him for a long time, not saying anything else.

Her corn-colored hair over the right side of her face.

And he _knew_.

And he would _stop_ her. Somehow. He just needed some time…

"Goodnight." She suddenly turned away and walked off towards the doors of the Operations Center. He let her go, not answering.

He wanted that notebook. Diary?

_Yeah. Right…_

He thought of her insult again and his mouth twitched into a tiny grim smile.

_Ugly, Terra? Right, sure I'm ugly…_

…_And you're just like me_.

* * *

He had been right. Working for Slade. His apprentice. Betrayed them.

All of those things she had done; all of those things she _was_.

Robin (_songbird_) stood in the hall outside Terra's disarrayed bedroom, his arms folded and his head bowed—

_("Well… looks like we won…"_

"_Then why does it not feel like a victory?"_

"_I knew it. I knew it! We **never** should have trusted her…"_

"_But we did. We **all** did…")_

He looked up again. Closed his eyes and _cursed_ himself. Only the night before had he and Terra had that heated scuffle in the Operations Center – the same Operations Center that now lay in a mess after being trashed by Slade's army of robot commandos.

Only the night before had he figured the gist of it out; only the night before had he vowed to stop her.

But she had been too quick for him. Slade's army had struck the very next evening, before he had been able to get _anything_ on her. And although it could have been a lot worse – at least none of them were too badly injured, and certainly not dead – it still stung. It cut much deeper.

That she _had_ betrayed them.

Only Beast Boy had been spared the attack on Titans Tower, Terra taking him away hoping to save him; and somehow that seemed to hurt the shape-shifter all the more. Knowing that she _had_ cared, but had _still_ betrayed them. That she had loved him…

…but not enough to reconsider selling the Titans to their sworn enemy.

_("…And Beast Boy?" _

"_He will be… all right?"_

"_He just needs a little time…")_

The door to Terra's bedroom slid back suddenly and Beast Boy came out, looking drawn and a paler green than was normal for him. His large emerald eyes were crimson-rimmed from his tears.

He saw Robin standing outside the door – waiting – and thrust the two things he carried in his arms at him.

"Here, Captain Research," he murmured, so quietly Robin barely heard him.

Beast Boy went on his way as Robin looked down at them in surprise, slouching along the battered corridor with his head down.

"Beast Boy…?" Robin called after him half-heartedly. Beast Boy stopped and looked back at him.

"What?"

"I…" Robin trailed off. "You're… you're okay?"

Beast Boy looked sadly at him.

"No, Robin. No, I'm not…"

He walked away, limper and wearier than before.

Robin looked down at what Beast Boy had given him again. Both were things of Terra's.

A small silver heart-shaped box.

And the notebook.

He flipped her "diary" open and his stomach seemed to sink.

All of the Tower's security passcodes were scribbled down in Terra's neat printing. He flipped the page and found himself looking a double-page-spread of notes about himself. His height. His weight. His fighting skills. His speed… She must have gotten them from the primary database on the mainframe. He flicked through it again and found notes on Starfire, on Cyborg, on Raven, on Beast Boy…

Their strengths.

Their weaknesses.

Everything Slade would ever need to know.

He threw it aside in fury. If _only_ he had snatched it off her last night…

He opened the box. A mirror was on the underside of the lid, an upside-down heart shape from his perspective.

The mirror was smashed. In it he saw hundreds of tiny reflections – hundreds of Robins – gazing back at him with the same shocked and dismayed expression he knew must therefore be on his own face.

And across the surface – written before it had been smashed; maybe only _seconds_ before it had been smashed – was that one four-letter word;

_Ugly._

**End**

* * *

You what is very ironic? Know what played on the radio while I was writing a part of this? Nope, not _Ugly_, but… _Stairway to Heaven_. The line near the end, about Robin standing outside Terra's door, and there is "songbird" in brackets and italics after his name? Couldn't resist adding that in as that part of the song ("In a tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings…") was playing at the time I wrote that line; and in Citrus02honey's AMV to the song that line ("In a tree…") has a fade-in shot of Robin… I couldn't help it…

Hope any readers liked this; it was very refreshing to write. What Robin and Terra share is not a bond of sexual affection; but rather a bond of a far more deviant nature. A bond of lies, trickery and betrayal. It was something I had never _really_ picked up on before – maybe a brief mention of it here and there – and therefore my thanks goes to Citrus02honey for opening my eyes and inspiring me.

As to you who have not seen the AMV this was inspired by… there is probably a much simpler way to find it, but the route I always use whenever I want to see this video or the others I like (see above and before fic for plug) is; Go to _my _profile and get onto my Favorite Authors list. You'll find Citrus02honey there; click on her and that will take you to her profile. If you read a little way down you'll see a link (a highlighted "HERE") and if you click on that it will take you to her music videos page. _Ugly_ is on the left hand side about halfway down; it has no picture, just a little white Windows Media logo, and the title is "ugly" in lower case. Watch it; it is _incredible_.

Citrus02honey has her own favorite videos list, but my recommended ones are; _Ugly_ (of course), _Stairway to Heaven_, _Going Under_ and _My Immortal_ (another one for any Terra fans)…

Right; have I hammered that home yet?

Ooh, and the part about Robin "not drawing it (the name _Slade_) out on his tongue…"? Has anyone else noticed Robin (or Scott Menville, at least) has a very unique way of saying "Slade"? He sorts of draws out the "_Slay_-" sound, and then finishes it with a hard quick "-_de_"… It's very strange… and highly amusing. ;) Listen to him next time you watch…

Citrus02honey; I just hope you liked it and that it does your wonderful music video(s) justice…

- RobinRocks xXx


End file.
